Thinking too much :(


I’m thinking too much I think :( next year April I am finishing school but I’m over thinking my life I think I wanna be a doctor ; pediatrics but taking the entrance exam scares the shit out of me I’m worried not because I don’t think I can do it or that I am stupid or anything like that its just that when I have something “serious” to do I get so nervous that I clam up and just can’t think ㅠㅠ and that happening would not be amusing and another thing I am afraid of his having to go far from my family ; my Mum and my Dad are seriously the most important people in my life (: without them pushing me to do what I believe and them giving me chances and telling me to push forward with my dreams I don’t think I could (: and my sister is apart of me my other half so my life without her would be empty and my baby (she is my cat!!!!!) Midnight is the only being in my life that does not judge me when I am sad she is always sitting with me she never turns from me ; she has unconditional love for me and that’s perfect nothing like her in my life she makes me smile with all the little things she does when I am sad!!!!! she may be a cat in physical being but she is so much more to me ~ she is my best friend :)

But for the nervousness maybe I have a solution ~ so to help me get over my nervousness I think I should do YouTube videos because talking basically freaks me out :D making videos should solve that problem!!! I hope so every time I record my voice in Korean how about I just make it a video :) if its more than 4 minutes that is adequate time I think for a video on any topic in a target language (:

I dunno if I will even do a You Tube video but it’s not a bad idea (:

#feelings just wanted to write out how scared I am feeling right now (: sorry for the psycho babble :D


5 thoughts on “Thinking too much :(

  1. It’s normal to be scared. About going away from family and about choosing a profession. Especially when you’re close to your family. I moved away to study for my masters when I was 21 so the first time I moved from home to live alone, I crossed a border. Sure I didn’t move to the other side of the globe and sure many people move far away from their families much earlier than I did, but it was far enough for me at the time. I made a point of calling often on skype to tell my family about my days and hear that they were well, but I know that some of my classmates would barely ever talk to their families – let alone spend money on a ticket home for Christmas. If you miss home that’s only a good thing, I think. Of course I cannot say anything about other people’s family lives, but if you miss home I take it to mean you have something meaningful to miss! It only becomes a problem if you cannot enjoy yourself where you are because you are mentally somewhere else all the time…

    If you really want to study medicine and have the ability to go to medical school, I suppose you can also practice medicine near your family even if you have to be away from them for a little while to learn. It will be temporary. I’m not telling you to definitely move away because it can be really tough, but for as long as you have thought about both the positive and less positive sides of it in advance, it will be easier remember why you do it when it gets tough.

    About clamming up, everything becomes routine at some point. They don’t expect you to save lives on your first day of medical school. You learn some theory, you go test it in practice by following doctors, assisting them, they ask you questions, you ask them questions. Then you go back to the theory and the cycle repeats itself. One of my friends studies medicine and she was a bit spooked when a doctor she had been following asked if she would like to assist in a surgery that was scheduled after her school shift ended. She did not see it coming, she felt honoured but also a bit afraid. She reminded herself that it means that that person thinks you’re ready to assist with that particular thing. They don’t expect you to do everything or know everything.

    One of my MSc classmates was 26 when we started the masters programme and for three weeks straight he only ate pasta and ready-made meat balls two times a day. After those three weeks he was thrilled to discover the tomato. He was so used to his mum’s cooking that it was a mystery even to some of his friends how he survived the first semester… If you can cook even just a little bit, you’re already better equipped to live on your own than that guy was at 26 ;-)

    1. Thank you :) you really cleared things up for me I want to study medicine but I don’t want to go far and I can’t do it in my own country so I have decided that if I can get in a neighboring country then its only a 2 hours home by plane :) that would be easier ~ and my Mum always says you must skype me everyday …but the thought of not being able to give her a hug when I am afraid and confused it really scary for me ; and thoughts like getting things wrong are always on my mind I am generally afraid of making mistakes because when I have made them in my life they have been HUGE mistakes :( so just very very anxious about it!!!

      Luckily though I can cook “a little” although this may seem funny but I still can’t make a fried egg or anything fried for that matter all I can really make is “hot chips” that could get me through LOL and instant noodles :D

      Thanks a lot …again :) makes it seem less scary like that :)

  2. I’m in a similar boat. DX

    I’m starting to realize how much I’ll leave behind and how large of a step I’ll be taking into a different section of my life soon. I think what scares me the most is making a mistake on choosing the best path. Psychology? Music? Language? Back to accounting? Where?

    Everyone always says, “you have plenty of time” but it’s like the time is ticking loudly on that one decision. Second year of college, 19 going on 20 by the end of the month, and I don’t have a solid idea of where to go with my life. In a couple of years, I’ll be flying out of the country for abroad study and living alone. Some time after that, I’ll be (hopefully) working in my profession. It’s like this time is the moment where you freeze and see that everything ahead of you depends on what you do right now.

    It seems like you clam up because you don’t wanna do the wrong thing or make a big mistake. Listen to your instinct and see where it guides you. Understand the difference between your instinct saying “nopenopenope” and wanting to do something but feeling afraid. Fear, nerves, clamming up- it always happens (and you just wanna beat it up and yell “SHADDAP”). We’ll never feel ready. It’s all about accepting that you’re scared and moving forward. Even if it’s to make a mistake and to backtrack, you’re going back with knowledge and strength you didn’t have before.

    There’s no such thing as psycho babble with me. Nine times out of ten I understand that feel or I’m in the same boat. XD

    1. Its honestly so scary to think of isn’t? :(

      I actually was not even thinking about it till my Mum mentioned what I wanna do then I was like “No….I don’t wanna do anything right now…..” then so many different feelings started popping up and I slowly began to think ….I have to leave home NOOOOO I don’t want to do that and ….ahh I dunno what to think anymore DX and as for mistakes that is seriously the scariest ~ I was stuck between being a Vet (love animals) and Lawyer (I love to argue with people and very good at getting my way) and then a Pediatrician (I like to help people and children need someone to protect them) so now I think I have finally settled but still I’m afraid because now I am choosing something that I am risking a life if I make a mistake someone DIES!!!! and I don’t think I can handle that!!!

      And that “plenty of time” line was alright when I was 16 now its like running out like time is moving faster :( but I think that following your heart is the best way to go, that’s what I have decided to do :D

      I will deff be telling those fears and nerves to shut the hell up and leave me alone ^^

      Hahaha!!!! for you nothing is psycho babble you always seem to understand life problems :D which is awesome!!! we are not alone in being scared and confused on what to do :) Fighting!!!!!

      1. Fighting! (I’m so late. Being busy is catching up with my body… Or is my body catching up with being busy… In better words: Tired + busy. XD) And thanks. Though sometimes I understand everything and nothing at the same time. *cough*PoliticalScienceandCalculus*cough*

        People say it’s good to have different options for life paths but I disagree. It makes stuff complicated. “You’re good at lots of things. It’ll be easy for you to find a job.” Hahaha. No. >.>

        If you do decide to go into pediatrics, keep the confidence in your ability steady. Know your limits, but be confident in what you can do. It’s always a fear that if you make a mistake, something grave will happen to someone, but I believe the chances of that happening are much less with confidence. :]

        On the bright side, there’s the beautiful sea of things to learn in language study that can cheer us up. :D Sometimes I’ll see something in Japanese or Korean and think, “Yes! Beautiful language study material!” No clue how it makes me happy, but it does. XD

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